Talking to Kids About Terrorism

Sadly, terrorism is part of our national reality. The September 11th anniversary and nightly news remind us how much our world has changed. We understand the unthinkable can happen, even on our own soil. This knowledge is chilling for anyone, but for children it can be especially terrifying. Our job as adults is to arm them with tools to face the modern world's realities. The best tools are communication and action.

Knowledge is Power
We would love to shield our children from knowing about terrorism, but doing so may undermine their safety. Providing accurate information and addressing fears is the best protection we can provide.

It is important to determine what type and how much information is appropriate. A news report suitable for teens is likely to terrify a school-aged child. A youngster's age and personality are the best guides for deciding how and what information to share. Elementary-age and younger kids are incapable of distinguishing between reality and make-believe. They are overwhelmed by details. An attack on a school anywhere leads them to believe their school or daycare center must be a target too. Middle-school children have developed more refined faculties to distinguish reality. They may wonder about consequences of an attack. Teens understand even finer nuances, such as the political climate surrounding an attack.

Further, consider your child’s personality. Information suitable for one child may be too troubling for a more sensitive child of the same age.

Whenever possible, watch or read information on terrorism together. No matter their age, your presence provides a sense of security and an opportunity for discussion.

Starting a Dialogue

It's not exactly run of the mill dinner conversation, so what is the best way to bring up terrorism? Any parent knows lectures are met with glazed eyes and closed ears. Your best bet is to introduce the topic through conversation. Look for opportunities to relate terrorism to another occurrence within your child's day. A bully or fire drill at school, for example, provides an occasion to discuss handling conflict or safety.

A few tips to remember:
• Ask your child's opinion, listen to what he or she says, and what he or she doesn't
• Keep the discussion age appropriate
• Without passing judgment, encourage your child to express fears
• Be informed and confident, as children take cues from adults
• Remember kids process information as they are able -- they may need several conversations to feel reassured
• Acknowledge your child's fears and counter with concrete information
• Attend to your child's body language and behavior. When he or she has had enough, end the discussion

Mobilize Your Family

Beyond talking, we can empower children with action. Fear is a natural response to the unknown and the uncontrollable. Information and readiness keep fear at bay and reduce feelings of powerlessness. Put together an emergency kit with your children.
• Create a family plan together, outlining where to meet, emergency numbers, escape routes, etc.
• Point out the presence of police, firefighters, paramedics, and other emergency personnel as indicators of our country’s preparedness
• Remember consistency and structure are reassuring to children -- keep your normal routine in place

Terrorism is a frightening topic, but it does not have to be paralyzing. By opening a dialogue, demonstrating informed confidence and including children in our readiness plans, adults model healthy coping skills that speak louder than any terrorist act.

-- Catie Hayes