Bullies Can Kill

In schools across the country children taunt, tease, threaten, hit, socially isolate, and intimidate thousands of other children each day, and often the parents of the bully and the victim are completely unaware. Some may shirk this behavior off as child's play. However, this pattern of harassment and abuse is scarring.

As a parent, it is important to be aware of your child's actions so that you know when your child is being bullied. It is equally important to teach your child that it is unacceptable to bully his or her classmates.

Identifying a Bully
Your child is out of your site, in school, most of the day. It's hard to be sure whether he or she is involved in bullying. However, keep watch for these behaviors -- they may indicate that your child has a pattern of harming others:

• Name calling
• Rumor spreading and lying to get other children in trouble
• Telling other children not to be friends with another child
• Hitting, kicking, tripping, or pushing another child
• Teasing other children and make negative comments about their culture, religion, ethnicity, weight, physical appearance, disabilities, or medical conditions
• Taking other children's possessions or demanding money from them

Behavior of the Bullied Child
Bullied children suffer emotionally and physically. They report a higher degree of fear and anxiety, generally feel less accepted, have more health problems, and achieve lower scores on academic tests. They also tend to have low self-esteem and limited social skills, become easily upset, suffer from depression.

Children who have been bullied usually don't want to talk about it, feeling shame and hopeless, and fearing retaliation. As a parent, pay close attention to the warning signs to best protect your child:

• Subtle changes in behavior (for example, withdrawn, anxious, preoccupied, aggression or more passivity, restlessness or low energy)
• Speaks of him or herself in negative terms such as "stupid" or "bad"
• Lack of interest in school and favorite activities or becoming overly fearful or reluctant to go places or do things that have been routine or anticipated in the past
• Bruises and scratches, torn or dirtied clothing, or with missing or damaged books and property
• Sleeplessness, bad dreams, crying in sleep
• Repeatedly loses clothing, money, or other valuables
• Appears afraid or reluctant to go to school

Take Action
If your child is being bullied at school, it is natural for a parent to want to solve the problem quickly. However, to best act on your motherly or fatherly instincts, find out exactly what happened. When speaking to the parents of the other child, understand that they will be defensive. Act positive. This will help you keep your own child's feelings in the front of your mind.

You also may want to contact your child's teachers so that they can change your child's seat or even classrooms. Research school programs in your community that help parents both understand and learn about actions they can take to prevent bullying. Get other parents involved and start an antibullying or peer mediation program at the school or in your community.