Bad and Abusive Babysitters

Where to Start
Like with any service, it's best to start with a recommendation from friends, teachers, or neighbors. When possible, know your sitter personally to gain first-hand knowledge of his or her personality, values, and skills. It is especially important to be vigilant when choosing sitters for children too young to tell you when there's a problem. Allow yourself to be picky.

Choosing a teen sitter raises a few issues. Your teen sitter may lack adequate parenting role models, so be clear in your expectations of their duties. Babysitting and first aid training are important, but not a guarantee of competency. Statistically, teen boys tend to sexually abuse children in their care more than teen girls do. This does not apply to every teen male, but there is reason to be more cautious.

As with any job, do not let a recommendation be your only criteria for hiring. Screen as much as possible. Follow these rules:

• Take the time to check all references
• Conduct an interview
• Observe each candidate interacting with your child
• If you contract an agency, determine if they check criminal records
• Heed your instincts

Keep Your Child Safe
Hiring a sitter is not the last step. It is critical to also empower your child. Teach them the following:

• A person's body is private
• No one has the right to touch another without permission or in a manner that makes them uncomfortable
• Children have a right to say no to an adult whose behavior makes them uncomfortable
• Children have permission to tell if someone makes them uncomfortable or wants to photograph them
• No one has the right to ask a child to keep a special secret
• Children should only follow requests that would be made if their parents were present

Request your sitter arrive 15 minutes early. Use this time to familiarize them with the location of first aid supplies, contact and emergency information. So that everyone is clear on the rules, discuss snacks, television, bedtime, and discipline in the presence of both. Before you leave, get your sitter's cell and license numbers.

Once a sitter becomes part of your child's life, continue to ensure their safety. Actively listen to your child's comments about the sitter. Youngsters lack skills to concretely talk about a problem, so you may have to read between the lines. If your child fears or dislikes a provider, respect that. If you can discern the reason, deal with it directly. If you are unable to pin down a specific reason, take steps to find a new provider. On occasion, return for your child early or check in without announcement.

When There is a Problem
If a sitter is not working out, terminate their employment without notice. A disgruntled employee does provide quality child care. Whether or not severance is offered is a judgment call.

If you fear that the sitter abused your child, observe your child and detect the following signs:

• Marked behavior changes
• Sleep disturbances
• Inappropriate sexual behavior or interest
• Regression
• Overly aggressive behavior
• Pain, itching, bleeding or discharge from genital or rectal area
• Fear of particular places, situations, or people

If a child tells of abuse, be supportive, nonjudgmental, and praise their courage and honesty. Contact medical, legal, and mental health professionals immediately.

A sitter is an employee. Prescreening and monitoring them produces a better working relationship for you and safer care for your child.